How Cocaine Addiction Led One CEO To Meet God

We came into this world with nothing and we're going to leave with nothing.

Everything we [music] accumulate or do or have is not going to be here. The only thing we're going to take home is what we've made of ourselves. Success is

not being being able and confident to have that conversation.

He spent decades as a high-powered energy executive. He testified before Congress. He helped unravel the Enron

scandal, if you remember that. All while hiding a secret life of addiction and depression. Then he flatlined in an ICU

and everything changed. And what he built next might be the most remarkable second act that I've ever heard. Welcome

back to the root of all success. I am your host, the real Jason Duncan. This is episode number 347. My guest is

Kellen Flukeer. He's an executive turned coach, an author of over 30 books, a Billboard charting choir performer, and

a man who has literally come back from the dead. As the founder of the Ultimate Life Formula and host of nearly a thousand episodes on his own podcast,

Kellen has spent the last two decades helping high achievers break through the invisible barriers that are holding us back. But his his own story from

childhood abuse to cocaine addiction to a near-death experience in 2018 is one of the most powerful transformations I've ever come across. Kellen is a

friend of mine and I'm glad to welcome him to the show. Kellen, welcome to the show. Jason, thank you. And the first thing I want to do and I want it on the record is I want to be grateful for you.

Doing a podcast is a labor of love. It takes consistency, dedication, and work and uh you know, a commitment to doing

good. And so I want to honor you for that.

Well, I appreciate that very much. And you know it as well or better than I do because you've done uh nearly three times the amount of episodes on your

show. So uh but I'm I'm grateful to have you here today. So you spent 30 years as

an elite executive and you testified before Congress. You helped unravel the Enron mess, like I mentioned in the opening comments, and the whole time you're battling this hidden addiction

and and depression. So, how how did you operate at the highest levels of government and industry while fighting that kind of war inside yourself?

[clears throat]

Well, nobody's going to think that was easy, and it wasn't. It It's just like you live life one day at a time. And I

didn't sit and think, "Oh, I'm a failure. I'm a jerk or any of that stuff. I just did everything that I

could do each day and there were periods of success and so forth. But there was always this nagging feeling that I

wasn't good enough and you know I had a rough upbringing with a lot of discipline that today would be felony

child abuse and adopted the I'm not good enough mantra and it manifested in all these ways. three failed marriages,

addictions as you mentioned, a couple of suicide attempts. And those happened when my white knuckle effort to hold it

together just was no longer enough. So that's kind of how it worked. A day at a time, white knuckle, if I can just suck it up some more, I'll be okay.

Well, you know, you you just described your upbringing as abusive and tormented. I mean, you you said it was what today would be considered felony

child abuse. So, at what point did all of that pain turn into a drive for ultra high performance? And when did you when

did you kind of first realize that that drive might also be destroying you?

Because it kind of cuts both ways. It absolutely cut both ways [clears throat]

because I internalized the I'm not good enough. I thought the only way to do this was to prove I was okay. And so,

you know, I got straight A's. I got a scholarship in college. And underneath was fighting the control I felt and

rebelling like any teenager, young adult might do. But mine was destructive. It was, you know, experimenting with drugs

or doing things that I knew my parents would hate, you know, but then also feeling this yearning to get approval

from particularly my mom because my upbringing the the violence had a lot to do with religion. And it was couched in

the you got to be good. And so I always felt like she had God on her side. And so if anything was wrong, it was obviously with me,

a kind of sort of twisted, convoluted mess. And so the proof was I got to prove this to her and prove I'm okay and

get that big stamp of approved on my forehead which of course I never did.

Now during those days uh you were spending as [snorts] my research indicated about three grand a week on cocaine while you're running energy

operations major energy operations. So was there a particular moment where you had this awareness of saying, you know,

this this facade that I'm living is not going to hold anymore and I got to I got to do something different.

Well, that happened in 2007. So [clears throat] 2007, that was 30 years.

I started in that business in 77 2007 accidentally 30 years. I came home on a Friday night uh like I always did, was

going to go party for the weekend and whatever. And then I had a divine intervention. This was not dying. That was 11 years later. But a divine

intervention uh out-of- body experience spent 18 hours I found out later sort of

in hell reviewing all the life all the suffering that had been inflicted on me and all the suffering I had inflicted on

everybody else as a liar and a addict and a lousy partner and all the rest of it. And that extended experience was the

most painful thing I had ever emotionally experienced. And when I at the end of the long time, I heard a voice say over my right shoulder simply three words, "It is enough."

And I woke up and realized not only was it emotionally painful beyond words, my body had reacted to that experience by

sweating so much that all of my sheets and bedclo were ring out wet like a like a wrestler cutting 15 pounds before

weigh-in. And that intensity shook me up and I quit cold turkey drugs

the next day and literally within a month or two had resigned. Walked away for millions of dollars of contracts said I don't know how I'm going to be

done with this but I'm done. So yeah dramatic and jump off the cliff kind of thing. Uh well, for my uh not from my

personal experience, but from hearing other people talk about it, cold turkey,

while sometimes effective, can also be very dangerous because it can actually cause a lot of other unintended consequences. How did that work for you?

I mean, obviously long term it worked out great because here we sit. But what was it like in the middle of that?

7 minutes

[clears throat]

You know, when those kind of divine interventions happen, [clears throat]

they're a wakeup call. And the wakeup call lets you or me or whoever see a new possibility, but for me it didn't fix

anything like it was sheer. And I'm sure I had divine blessing and help, but it didn't take away the cravings or

anything else. I had to go start seeing people uh shrinks, counselors, tell the truth for the first time. I'd never done

any of that. All of that was isolated and alone. And uh I finally had to go

see somebody and start telling the truth, which I'd never done, and that sort of thing. And one other piece to

the divine intervention was uh two weeks after that first event, which I just described, another miraculous thing

happened before I'd actually quit the job and walked away. I got a there's another little story to tell here, but

I'll see if there's any question you have about that. Well, no, go ahead. Tell that story.

Okay, cool. So, I got because of the position that I held, I made decisions that affected companies sometimes to the tune of billions. And so, I used to get

a lot of free stuff. Uh, you know, free tickets to this and not bribes, but you know, be nice to Kellen stuff. And

[laughter]

one of the [clears throat] things I got was a pair of tickets to see a YoYo Ma concert. Now, if you like classical music, you know who that is. And if you don't, you don't. But in the classical world, I was like, ah. So, I'm going.

But I'm like, I don't have anybody to take because I was single for the third time and not interested in any of that.

So, I asked in the groups I managed, who likes classical music? And a woman in one of the groups said, I do. And I said, okay, cool. Have I ever given you anything before? Because I gave away stuff all the time. She said, no. Okay,

fine. See you there. So, I gave her the tickets. We met at the venue, which was about 3 weeks later. So, as of that night, I'm now 3 weeks, stone cold,

sober, and the concert was amazing and everything else.

9 minutes

[clears throat] And halfway through the show, that feeling that I had the night of the intervention came back over me,

not painfully, but the spirit. And the voice said to me, "You need to marry this woman." And I said, "You're flipping insane." I said, "I'm three

weeks sober. I've failed at this three times. I obviously don't know how to do it. You got your wires crossed." And so later that night, we were backstage

because they were literally thousand tickets, backstage passes, reception,

all that crap. We're backstage and the voice came back and said,

[clears throat]

"And you need to tell her tonight."

And I thought, "Okay, this is not going to work." I said, "First of all, I don't know her well enough to know whether or not she's in a relationship. Number [snorts] two, she could have me arrested

for like harassment or something. I mean, not happening. And you don't win those arguments." So I did and it went about like you would have expected. Are you insane? You know, and and she left.

But in the next three weeks, she had her three or four weeks, she had her own set of experiences.

10 minutes

And she didn't call the cops and she wasn't in a relationship, neither of which I knew. And about a month, a month

after that show, I walked away from all those contracts. She left her entire career. And she walked off into the sunset with me. And her name is Joy,

which you cannot make up. And she was literally the angel that was sent to help me learn how to tell the truth, how

to be a person, how to have a relationship, how to do all that. And today, she's my business partner. We've been together now in almost 19 years.

And I could not have been blessed with a more divine being in my life.

I love that. Such a great story. Third time's a charm, maybe. Or is it fourth? The fourth. Okay. Fourth time a charm.

She's incredible. Every time I tell the story, I get emotional because it was such evidence. He, you know, God did not leave me alone.

I was alone. And he said, "No, we'll we'll uh we'll do this thing." And Joyce said she knew she had a soul contract.

God looked at Adam in the garden many many years ago and said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Uh, so good for

you. So, hey, so 10 years later approximately 2018, you flatlined in an ICU and you you've written in your books

about meeting God at the door. So, tell tell me what did you see and and what did you bring back with you from that experience?

Four things. So, what happened is I got a fatal illness. So, this wasn't miraculous. We'd spent 11 years building a business, right? Written some books

and things and I got a fatal illness and I went to the IC. I went to the hospital and you know you go to the ER and usually it's an hour or two before they

see you depending on whatever and in 10 minutes I was in a private room. I'm like what 10 minutes and private room so

they admitted me to the hospital and gradually over the next and I sent Joy home cuz we had animals but over the next few hours the doctor they did tests

and x-rays and stuff they kept coming back in with worse news. Double pneumonia. We're going to put you in the ICU. Uh yeah, we're going to put you in

biological isolation. So think double doors, masks, and g. Okay.

[clears throat]

And then they came back and said, "Do we have permission to uh intubate you and do anything we need to do to preserve your life?" And I said, "What?" Uh okay.

By then I my body was trembling. It was shutting down. I was trembling so badly I could barely operate the phone. And so I sent a threeline text to Joy and I said, "ICU, isolation/intubation."

And the third line was, "I may be dying." So I could [clears throat] feel that. I could feel my body separating. It's the weirdest feeling. Anyway,

[clears throat]

and that's the last thing I remember. I was in a coma for the next 17 days. And sometime right after that, I flatlined.

I coded and um [clears throat]

they uh during that and then I sat I I came back too spiritually and I was horizontal like I was. I was actually restrained, physically restrained, tied

down to a stretcher full of tubes and all that other crap. But I didn't know any of that. The only reason I know is cuz Joy took a picture. She came down

there. But anyway, I sat up and the room had gone from medical gear and people jumping up and down on my chest and

whatever was going on, I don't know, to uh kind of a gray room and over my left shoulder there was a doorway and I

didn't have a door, but it was a doorway and I wanted to be at the door. So suddenly I was standing at the door,

leaning on the door jamb on my right side. And right across the doorway was someone leaning on that door jamb. And I

noticed it was white on that side and kind of gray on my side. And that individual looked at me and said, "Do you want to come home?"

And in that [clears throat] moment, in the way you know things there, I knew who I was talking to.

I knew what the doorway was. I was talking to God.

14 minutes

People ask, "How do you know you were talking to God?" Well, and I say, well, he didn't have a name tag on, said,

"Hello, my name is God, but you just you just know that." And so, I knew what the question meant. I knew what the

threshold was. And so, we talked for a little while about everything that had happened since 2007, what we'd built,

what we were trying to do, and all the rest. And finally, I said, "Well, I'm not done yet." Said, "Okay."

[clears throat]

And I'm sure that's when they were able to restart my heart.

The next day [clears throat] I was back at the door and that previous question didn't come up because I'd already decided that. And people sometimes say,

"How do you know it was the next day?" It was the next day. Okay. I don't know. You just know that. So anyway, he said, "Okay, so you're going to stay.

What are you going to do?" So we started talking about what I'd been doing and the books and coaching and etc. And then I had an experience that I cannot

describe. The best that I can do is uh point people to an old movie made in the 90s called Contact with Jodie Foster

where she takes this crazy trip to the universe. Yeah. In that little bubble that they built.

It felt like that. It felt literally like if I hadn't been in a protective bubble, I would have been incinerated.

I saw the immense majesty and glory of infinite domains. I can't felt like being fed with a fire hose. And we use that phrase when we talk.

there can there's no comparison. It was so overwhelming. We don't have language and it was glorious and power and everything. And it went on for I don't

know how long but it felt like a long time. And then I'm back at the door and four things. So you asked what I brought

back. Four things were immediately clear. Number one is that each of us and I say this with all sincerity to each

person listening. You are a divine being created with love. Period. There are no accidents, none of that. You're here on purpose, created with love. Period.

Number two, every person has a mission, a purpose that you not only agreed to,

but you were stoked about before you came. Number three, you were given the gifts and talents that you need not only

to do it, but to enjoy it. And four, and you know, we have to develop them and stuff, but you have them. And four, all the help we need is available from both

sides of that door. And so [clears throat] I had those just sort of written in fire in in my heart after

that trip. And then I said, "Okay, well since that's true, why do we settle for crumbs?"

And he looked at me and he said, "I don't know if in the economy of heaven brevity is a virtue, but the answer was four words." He said, "Because you don't believe."

And I'm like, I didn't face him. I thought about it, but anyway. So I said okay well what can I do and he said glad

you asked. So then he gave a framework that I wrote in a second book called the book of context. So I wrote a book meeting God at the door and then book of

context which is a framework about how to identify and change those limiting beliefs that we we we develop we inherit we grow we accept and to eliminate them.

So that was the end of that conversation and I came back the next day and I was really excited. I was kind of I felt

like I was bouncing like one of those people sitting on one of those desk chairs. It's a ball, right? Those bouncy balls that were in in favor some years

ago. Maybe never saw him. But anyway, I I I came back and the third conversation was just one question. He looked at me and he said, "Are you sure?"

And I I you know I almost hyperventilated. I thought what do you mean am I sure? Am I stupid? Am I miss something? Like what am I sure? And so

we we talked through every possible question or doubt or worry about can I do this? Do I got to you know will you help me with the help and whatever? And

finally I said okay I'm sure. And you said this is still happening while you're you're like under you're you're not conscious at this time right?

I'm I I was I was in a coma for 17 days. Wow. So you're almost happening.

Yeah. So the first one was while I was dead. The second two I was alive but spiritually out of body and and finally I I said yeah I'm sure.

And he said okay. And nothing was said but it ended with a finality that I knew was done. We were done. And then seven

or 14 more days later I woke up. We're going to get back to Kellen in just a moment. But first, I want to talk to you about um something I think is important.

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So, Kellen, um, pretty pretty amazing story. Um, now after you've left the corporate world, you dove into coaching.

And of course, like a lot of people who get into coaching with zero experience,

but you started writing books on meditation. And most people would look at that and probably say that's career suicide. You're going from a highly paid executive. You leave all that behind.

You go to coaching, writing these books about things like meditation. Um, so what what do you believe gave you the confidence or maybe the audacity to take that kind of leap?

21 minutes

So the the progression isn't going to sound weird when I explain it. I quit because I had to get away from that. I didn't know what I was going to do. The

first thing I knew how to do or needed to do was get fixed. I was broken. I'd been living as a broken person in a broken paradigm. So I focused on that for the first couple of years.

uh writing the books on meditation was me thinking okay I got to do something else and in the process of healing going

to people taking control of my life getting rid of stories addressing issues um meditation had always been something I had done either a lot or a little

since I was in my teens initially associated with martial arts and so it just seemed like fun and something I

could start with. So, I did a lot of research and I had years of practice and so I wrote a five volume series on meditation, created a meditation course

and put it online to sell. It wasn't particularly successful. I did sell some. At the same time, Joy was an eBay

merchant and had been for 25 years with all kinds of stuff. So, I was helping her. So, we were running two or three things. And here's the interesting

thing. Whenever any person, you, me, or anybody else, makes a significant change in their life involving spiritual or

internal or personal growth, two things happen. One, you get all excited because things are happening and they're different. Two, you realize, you know

what, I could really help people with this stuff that I've learned on this path. And so, there arises in us, and

this happens all the time, a yearning. I got to help people with this. Well, that happened to me. And so then I began exploring the question, okay, how do I

do that? What would that look like? And I thought, well, maybe that's coaching.

So I started looking that up and, you know, enrolled in a couple of coaching things and explored the idea because I'd been a leader in Big Shot for a long

time, but of coaching, which is completely different.

And that's how it started uh to to sort of do that. And then I went to some conferences and got a first speaking

opportunity and just sort of started growing it. But it came from that yearning to serve that came from the

realization I can change. I have changed.

Other people need this. I want to do that. That's a natural progression that comes out of who we are.

Yeah. Well, and now you've written, I think, over 30 books. Many of them are bestsellers. What would you say out of

that many books, what's the through line that connects all of them?

So, thank you for exaggerating. It's only 24.

We're working on almost we're by the time this releases it'll be 30 for sure, right?

No, but anyway, the through line is you're a sovereign being. You were given agency as a condition of your creation.

And we lose that. We let it get damped out. We let it the conditioning of the world, greed and fear and hardship and

expectation and not good enough. We let all those things we because you don't believe you know the same answer. So the

through line is that and every single book has come from blood on the floor.

My own experience in this process. So the meditation books, tightroppe of depression, forgiveness, walking without

fear, meeting God at the door, the book of context, the results equation, which is a hardcore business book about how to

make any goal happen. You know, the one I'm finishing right now is called the sovereign architect. But it is

emphasizing the tools and the right you have to create your own life like

you want it. Yeah. What's something that you used to believe that you don't believe anymore?

I used to honestly believe all this cool stuff that people talk about is probably true, but it's not for me. I can't do that. Something's wrong with me,

I've made too many mistakes, and there's no way to fix it or get back or whatever that language might be. So,

fundamentally flawed. I've screwed up so bad I can never fix it anyway. It's hopeless. I used to believe that like breathing. [laughter]

All right. So, the name of this show is the root of all success. So, we've got to talk about some success questions.

So, what do you believe looking back over your successful career both as an executive now as a independent uh you know author and coach and consultant?

What has been the one key that has unlocked success for you more than anything else? I refuse to give up

tonight. I won't stop. I freaking won't stop. I did that in the executive world.

26 minutes

I [clears throat] did things, set records, finished training pro, threeear training programs in nine months. You

know, I'm doing this. And so when I had the divine intervention to quit the drugs, I I said to myself, I don't know how to do this. I don't know who to talk

to. I don't know where to start, but I'm going no matter what. H how do you personally

define the word success? What does that mean to you?

We came into this world with nothing and we're going to leave with nothing.

Everything we accumulate or do or have is not going to be here. The only thing we're going to take home is what we've made of ourselves.

Success is not being being able and confident to have that conversation.

Yeah. So based on that definition of success, do you consider yourself successful?

27 minutes

Absolutely. I my my show's the ultimate life and I literally live in that. I'm happy every single day. I don't have any

bad days. I don't I don't believe in that because I created and yeah, it involves creating money, purpose,

prosperity, and joy. You got to have cash. So, I've had a lot before and I'm creating cash now. Uh it's just not it's

not uh the measuring rod anymore. I used to have six cars and motorcycles and houses and blah blah blah. That's all

fun, but at the end of the day, when the lights go out and it's quiet, it is not power. inside.

You um you you talk a lot about the word context [snorts]

and uh how how you know that idea of context uh and the idea that our beliefs

shape our reality before we ever take action. And and and I heard a long time ago that this phrase context determines

experience. And and the the analogy that was used when I was taught this was if you're driving on the the freeway or the

interstate and you always believe that you're in the slow lane. Well, that's not true. It's just the context of what's happening makes you believe

certain things. So, what what does what do you believe that it actually looks like when someone changes their context and how fast can that happen?

So, I'm going to give you an acronym B deep. The letter BD BD E P stands for beliefs, definitions, experiences,

expectations, and perceptions.

That set of things forms a context straight jacket. And everything you attempt or do lives inside those five things, beliefs, definitions,

experiences, expectations, and perceptions. So your beep forms your world. You don't try things that are outside of that because you don't think

they'll happen. You don't, you know, you don't expect your expectations. You expect things to fail or be small

because that's what you've learned. The the interesting thing about it is we create that.

You're not born with a BD. You're born without that. And so our experiences, thousands of little things create that.

And the the magic is the day you learn that you have you have one. I have a I

have a a context straight jacket. That's the first liberation day. The second liberation day is when you realize everybody else has one.

And the third thing is everybody else is as good as mine because it comes naturally from their thing. And the fourth one is I can take these off.

Oh wow. And that they're all visceral experiences. And then creating something is a matter of curiosity.

It's a matter of vision and then execution. All right,

we're about ready to close our conversation and I got three rapid fire questions that I want to ask you. So,

let me do Are you ready for some rapid fire questions? Yes, sir.

All right. Of all the books that you've written, over 24 books, you know, 24 counting, which one was the hardest to finish and why?

The hardest to finish was the second volume of the tightroppe trilogy. I wrote, tightroppe of depression, and I thought that was the only book I was ever going to write about myself. And

the second one after that was Down from the gallows because I realized after I finished the first one, I was not done

with that tr arc. And so I wrote that one and it took me a long time because it was more unfolding

and I hadn't defined a clear end point like the what is the arc? What is the story and I the story arc which is

another book that I've written about how to write books was was wrong. I hadn't ended it. So it was really hard and I had to go back and redo the story arc and then I could finish it.

Well, you performed at Carnegie Hall with a Billboard charting choir. So, you you're you're an accomplished musician.

You've got a lot of published published songs out there, but what song, it doesn't necessarily have to be your own,

but what song every time you hear it hits you the hardest every time?

Oh, it's probably either, you know, I'm I'm spiritual. Even though my abusive upbringing had religion at its core, I'm

still connected to the divine in inseparably and without question.

So maybe come thou fountain of every blessing or amazing grace or one of those things because it brings me right now even talking about it face to face

with the truth that that this microscopic moment of 70 80 100 years is

just that and it's easy to make too much out of it and remembering I don't need to and it's in a much larger context

creates safety and uh urgency to move forward.

One thing that you now know at this stage in your life that you'd wished you'd understood at 30.

Oh, that we create our reality.

Like you go to physics and you can do the whole physics discussion like Dr.

Larry does or whatever. Like that's real in the state of superp position. If you want to talk about physics and Schroinger's cat and the whole nine

yards, it's all real. And that means like I really do create this. Well, then where's the where the hell are the

levers, you know, that kind of thing. So that All right. Well, Kellen, it's uh it's an

honor to know you and uh to hear a little bit more about your story today on this show. I want to encourage people to go check you out at kellenflukeer.com.

That's K E L L A N F L U C K I G E R. So Kellenflukeer.com.

Uh Kellen, you know, you obviously you're working with a lot of high performance people. You help people write books, help people tell their story. What would you like people to

know about you as we finish up today and how I'd like you to Oh, I'll tell you how to get in touch with me. Uh they'll do [clears throat] that first. Kellen

Flukiger is a weird name. There are two in the world and the other one's my son who's 30 years younger. So you can find me anywhere LinkedIn,

Facebook,

Amazon, Google, there's thousands and thousands of hits. Type in Kellen Flukiger and there's, you know, all the way from my testimony at Congress and everything. So you can find me anywhere,

everywhere. If you want to find the books, go on Amazon. Uh if you want to see, I have thousands of YouTube videos and stuff like that. So I'm easy to

find. The one thing that I want you to know is that I love you. You are a

divine being and there's nothing you can't have. And if there's something I can do to help you both understand that and use it, let's talk.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is true.

Uh, I've known Kellen long enough to know that that is 100% coming from a genuine genuine place. Kellen, thank you

so much for being on the show, sharing your story. Congratulations on all your success and thank you for sharing in a

vulnerable way the the mess that became your message and I appreciate it very much. Thank you for having me and again

I want to honor you for the work you're doing on this kind of thing. Podcasts are a labor of love and I'm delighted to be part of your effort to add good to the world.

Thanks Kellen. All right. Well, there you have it.

another successful entrepreneur sharing his journey of success that has lots of twists and turns, has lots of changes.

Um, a lot of bad story that ended up good and it's not over. Like there there's things still going in his life.

He's still pouring into people. If you want to write your story, if you want to learn how to perform [music] in the context that you are now and how to

change that context, Kellen is the guy you need [music] to look up. So, go check it out. All the contact information will be in our show notes.

But uh I want you to tune in again next week when I talk with yet another very successful [music] person about his or her journey to success because we get to

hear cool stories like this. So make sure you tune in again next time and as always I am your host, the real Jason Duncan and Jesus is King. See you next time.

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Thank you for listening to another edition of the root of all success with the real Jason Duncan. If you've enjoyed this week's episode, visit the root of

you again next time here on the root of all success. ass.

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